Addiction to Self-Judgment

“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” “I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.” “I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.” “I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.” “I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.” “I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll never be okay.” “No one could love me. I’m not lovable.” …and so on and so on. Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments? In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of the major …

Addiction to Perfection

The following email was sent to me by Karen, a member of our website: “For no obvious reason this morning, I was feeling anxious and depressed. I looked at it and realized that the false belief creating all this was that I have to be perfect in order for me to allow myself to feel happiness. Yet, there are so many conditions for me to be perfect that it is almost impossible to achieve. Still, I have driven myself to be ‘perfect’ sometimes and discovered it that the ensuing happiness lasts about 2 seconds and I am exhausted. “Lately, procrastination is somehow wrapped up in this conundrum too. Maybe I don’t even try things because I know if it’s not …

Addiction To Numbness

Linda sat opposite me at one of my five-day Inner Bonding Intensives. She had decided to attend the Intensive because her depression, which had plagued her for years, was not being helped by medication or by the numerous forms of therapy that she had tried. As she sat opposite me, telling me about her past and her depression, I felt like I was sitting with a person who had stuffed herself into a box and closed the door. There was a sense of emptiness and numbness that emanated from her. “Linda,” I asked her. “When did you first feel this numbness that I feel coming from you?” Linda started to cry. “I was 9 years old when my uncle sexually …

Addiction to Complaining

Complaining is a way of life for some people. It was certainly a way of life for my mother. I don’t remember a day going by without her complaining, endlessly. I don’t think I ever heard a word of gratitude out of my mother’s mouth. No matter how good things were, she would manage to find something wrong. No matter how perfect I was – and God knows I tried to be perfect! – she always found something wrong with me, as well as with my father. Over the years of counseling others, I’ve noticed that some people start every session with a complaint. They can’t seem to help it. Like my mother, they are addicted to complaining. Why do …

Adult ADD: Motivational Focus — Keystone In A Happy Life

We’re in an informational age. Information is more available now than there’s ever been in the world. More will be available tomorrow. Unless the entire Internet crashes, I predict that’s going to continue for a long time. So, the question isn’t, “How many opportunities are there?” or “What is the best opportunity?” because there’s no such thing. There’ll be a better opportunity tomorrow than the one you’re working on today. When you have ADD, it’s a blessing and a curse. When technology evolves at the speed of light and things are evolving full-tilt, we’re moving at rocket speeds, too. You need to ask yourself not what’s the best opportunity for someone with ADD. You need to ask yourself what do …

Adult Add: Get Chunking!

Prioritization is one of the things that’s totally abhorred by people with ADD. Logical, linear-thinking people have no problem when they sit down to write out the steps to a project—the first thing you do is step one, then two, then three. And linear thinking people have no problem with that. ADD people, on the other hand, have a horrible time thinking one, two, three. Because we say A, D, 27, 17, 0. And it all makes sense to us. Add people see the big picture, but even more… the universal picture, about how things fit together. Because of that, randomness seems perfectly normal to us. It makes sense, where linear-thinking people just don’t get it. Except, what happens because …

Adult Add: Eat To Live

Being healthy isn’t easy, and if you have adult ADD, you may be skipping over this part entirely. You probably forget to eat meals and just grab whatever candy bar or fast food snack is at hand. You need to remember one thing, though. If you don’t eat, you die. Its’ as simple as that. So, even if you have to be led to the banquet table, you have to remember that healthy meals are not an option. It’s not that hard to eat things that are good for you, even if you have adult ADD. Forget that bagel and egg and cheese and bacon sandwich every morning. Yuck! All bad for you. Instead, buy some granola bars, some breakfast …

Adult ADD: Are You A

In business, we refer to the word “fires,” a lot of times. These are “fires that happen,” not literal fires, but things that need to be taken care of. A fire could anything that someone else thinks is really important and they come to you, and try to throw it on you as your problem because when you have ADD, you’re probably good at putting fires out. You may say, “Oh, let me go take care of that” because when you have ADD, you have a tendency to want to control things. But you can find people that will work for you to put out fires, to take care of interruptions. Stop your ADD brain from the fear of losing …

Adult ADD : Replace Bad Habits With Good Ones

When you were a teenager, your friends maybe started smoking, and all of them want you to smoke with them. They make fun of you because you don’t want to smoke, and they’re generally giving you a hard time. Every day. Some kids resist, but others may cave in to the peer pressure. They finally break down and start smoking. When you do, here’s the process: Most people say that they smoke to release stress. Especially when they get really anxious or really wound up about something, people will run right outside and start smoking a cigarette. What’s interesting about that is that cigarettes dramatically add to your stress level. Your blood pressure rises, your heart beats faster—your body is …

Adopting a New Creed to Turn Your Life Around.

How many times in your life have you signed your name to an agreement that bound you to do something? Even though you put great value on your personal freedom, and you would be wary of agreeing to do anything that would jeopardize it, you have committed yourself to certain things where a penalty was involved if you did not do them. Even when you opened your bank account, and applied for your insurance, you agreed to be bound by certain specific conditions. Probably right now much of your use of money, and your personal and vocational life, is influenced by such agreements. You signed your name to such binding agreements because it was the only way you could have …

Adolescent Anger Management Strategies

Adolescent anger management is becoming more prominent in our society. Traditionally, children who enter this last acute phase of bodily and mental development can go through some rough times. As kids enter their preteen and then their teenage years, chaos can ensue at times for everyone involved. A child or young adult may feel that his or her body and mind are out of control occasionally, and the parents and teachers who supervise children at this age may tend to agree. Anger can spring out of nowhere to challenge innocent requests and reasonable expectations. Yet kids between the age of twelve and sixteen sometimes react in unpredictable ways, surprising those around them and even themselves and requiring the intervention of …

Addiction Treatment Is A Choice

People become victims of substance abuse for different and often inscrutable reason. But whatever these reasons are, it is undeniable that this problem wrecks havoc in the lives of its victims and the society. It is proven that there is a connection between the increasing crime rate and substance use. Other than being perpetrators of crimes, people under the influence of substances damage their own health. Cases of drug overdose, alcohol-driven accidents, and infections are common in emergency rooms, hospitals, and sadly, even morgues. But there is still hope for the family, friends, and the addicted individuals. Different addiction treatment programs are launched yearly by the government and other civilian organizations in hopes of promoting a healthier and peaceful society. …

Addiction to Worry

Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking – Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. “What if I never get well?” “What if my husband gets sick?” “What if I run out of money?” (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). “What if my son gets into drugs?” “What if …

ACQUIRE POWER THROUGH SELF DEVELOPMENT.

It is the natural right of every human being to be happy to escape all the miseries of life. Happiness is the normal condition, as natural as the landscapes and the seasons. It is unnatural to suffer and it is only because of our ignorance that we do suffer. Happiness is the product of wisdom. To attain perfect wisdom, to comprehend fully the purpose of life, to realize completely the relationship of human beings to each other, is to put an end to all suffering, to escape every ill and evil that afflicts us. Perfect wisdom is unshadowed joy. Why do we suffer in life? Because in the scheme of nature we are being forced forward in evolution and we …

Achieving Your Goals by Using One Word

One of my favorite techniques for achieving goals is to use the word ‘anyway’ as often as necessary. If you don’t feel like doing something or start doubting whether the activity has any value, do it ‘anyway’ and then see what the results are later after you have completed the activity. Some results can be seen or felt almost immediately. You reluctantly go for a walk but feel great as soon as you get home. Other results may take a week or so. You start eating less and feel slimmer in two or three days’ time. A few days ago I started eating less before going to sleep instead of having a large evening meal. Today I had my reward. …

Achieving Your Goal

Most marathons provide more than their fair share of heroes and heroines who provide great examples. The London Marathon in April 2005 provided one or two especially heroic examples. The competitors have much to teach about achieving goals. On Sunday 17th April 2005, Paula Radcliffe was running in the London Marathon and had to stop for a call of nature. Instead of running off the course and possibly losing the race, she decided to answer the call close to a drinks table at the side of the road. She knew that this might well be filmed and broadcast to millions but was determined not to stop for longer than necessary. I am more impressed by her answering the call of …